Sunday, December 13, 2009

My Favorite Holiday Poem

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Christmas Playlist

Some of my must-have songs for this season::

  • Baby, It's Cold Outside - Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone
  • A Wonderful Christmas Time - Paul McCartney
  • Mele Kalikimaka - Bing Crosby
  • Feliz Navidad - Jose Feliciano
  • Last Christmas - Wham
  • I'll Be Home for Christmas - Michael Buble
  • Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald
  • Santa Baby - Marilyn Monroe
  • My Only Wish - Britney Spears
  • White Christmas - Katy Perry
  • All I Want for Christmas - Mariah Carey
  • Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - Johnny Marks
  • The Christmas Song - Michale Buble

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Tis the Season to be Thankful

The things I'm thankful for this year:

- I'm thankful for my family. They give me the strength and support when I need it the most and they are always there to back up my decisions. I, in return, will always be there for them no matter what they need or when they need me.

- I'm additionally thankful for my second family. They have taught me what it means to stick together through thick and thin and how to party! Haha. They have such a sense of togetherness and I have always been included in all of their family events, making me feel as if I really am part of their family.

- I am infinitely thankful for my boyfriend. He sacrifices so much, only to make me happy. He has always been my #1 fan and I could never thank him enough for how he has helped me achieve the things that I want. I am so lucky to have someone like him by my side.

- I am thankful for my friends - old and new. Old familiar friendships have helped me realize that some things really are worth fighting for and new friendships have shown me that I will always do my best to make someone happy. I will never take a friendship for granted, no matter how close we are.

- I am thankful for my god-daughter Soleil. Even though she is far away, her smile warms my heart. She is a brilliant young child and the promise for a bright future makes me proud.

- I am thankful for my job. It has it's challenges, but being here has helped me realize what I want to do with my life. I am thankful for every interaction I have with patients and every chance to make someones day a little bit better.

- I am thankful for all the silly material things in my life. Not because they are material, but because without them I would not have a roof over my head, a mode of transportation, food in my house, clothes to wear, or books for my education.

- I am thankful for the inspiration, creativity, drive, and determination that will continue to propel me forward. Without these, I would be lost and destined for failure.

- I am thankful for my life. There will be ups and downs, but the good times will ALWAYS outweigh the bad.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Define: Hypocrite

Hypocrite [hip-uh-krit]
- noun

Sitting on a throne of ignorance, you jeer me for what I choose to do. But when I'm not looking, you emulate me in hopes of exceeding my success. In your mind, empty justifications are made so you are right for what you do. While you are not bound by the rules, I am and have created a major offense. I am wrong for my act while you are doing something different and creative. You waste your existence complaining to anyone who will listen about what a fool I am for the things I do, all the while you are doing just the same.

You think you're better than everyone. But you're not; you're worse actually. You're a hypocrite.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Deep Breath.

Deep breath. Breathe deep. That's what I keep telling myself as I stare blankly at my reflection in the dirty mirror. I look at myself and I can't recognize my face. It looks as if I've been paralyzed and my face is completely numb to anything. My eyesight is blurred and tears continue to run down my face like a faucet that was never turned off. Then I realize that my mascara is running. Again. That's the third time today. "'Waterproof' my ass," I say out loud. My voice resonates through the empty tiled bathroom and I remember where I am. A tremor inside me sends shock waves through my body and my legs go numb. I almost fall, but at the last moment, I catch myself on the sink in front of me. My hands grip the porcelain sink so tightly that my knuckles begin to turn white. Beneath me, my legs tremble; I can barely stand up. Holding up all of my weight on my left arm, I lift my right hand in a weak attempt to fix my makeup.

Haphazardly smudging my makeup back into place, I sigh; "What's the use? It will just run again in a few minutes." So I give up on trying to look presentable, and instead I focus on my face in the mirror. I linger for a long moment, looking at the reflection of a sad mess of a girl in front of me. "Get it together," I think. Taking in a large gulp of oxygen, I contemplate holding my breath til I pass out. I give a good effort, holding my breath for at least two minutes, hoping that my heart will stop dead in its tracks. I hold it til my lungs burn with the craving for fresh air; I can't hold it much longer. I give up, feeling more defeated that ever, and let the air escape from my lungs. With that failed effort, I decide to go back in the room with everyone else. Time to face the crowd.

Walking back into the room, nothing has changed. Everyone is still wearing black. My sister is still in the corner crying. The plates of nasty food are still left untouched. I guess nobody has the stomach for food right now; neither do I. There is a silent, invisible weight being held over everyone present - the weight that death always puts on loved ones. The feeling of sadness and despair loom thick in the air, like fog, clouding the emotions of everyone here.

Although there are family members, loved ones, and lots of friends here with me, I stand alone. I am alone. I have never felt so alone in my life. I hate being alone. My mother, who was my true best friend is gone. I can't comprehend how or why I am still standing here. I want to vanish. As I lurch through the living room, hallway, and kitchen aimlessly staring off into space, I pass by many faces I recognize but none seem to register in my blank mind. Faintly in the background I can hear someone say, "Is she okay?," and then comes the response from another, "Her mother just died. I don't think she's gona be okay for a while." I give a slight smile as I think to myself that I will be okay. Eventually.

With nowhere else to go, I abruptly walk up the familiar stairs of the family house into my old room. Everything is in the exact same place that I left it eight years ago. All of my dolls are positioned just as I remember them, sitting on top of my perfectly made bed. The same Strawberry Shortcake sheets are on the bed - those were my favorites, even as a teenager. My vanity remains untouched in the windowsill with makeup and magazines from my youth. Oh, the windowsill. How many nights did I sneak out onto the rooftop and just stare at the stars while dreaming of my future? The sun catches my eye as it glistens off of something on the top of the sill. I pick up the old trinket and remember what it is - a necklace that mom gave to me for Christmas one year. My fingers roll over the cool smoothness of the silver, and in a quick motion it is around my neck. I nervously play with the charm around my neck as I continue to explore my old belongings.

I crane my head to look out over the windowsill and see the beautiful garden that I helped her plant years ago. I wipe old crusted tears out of the corners of my eyes to make way for fresh new ones to roll down my face. As I begin hysterically crying, I think about all of the wonderful memories we shared in the garden: planting her favorite flowers, tulips; begging her to plant mine right next to hers; finally being able to plant my lilies; all the time that was spent making that garden beautiful, and the life lessons that she was teaching me while spending time together. I think I can feel my heart breaking, if it hasn't already done so.

I quickly look over my shoulder to make sure nobody has followed me, and I open the window and the screen to the rooftop. When I place my feet on the level side of the roof where I spent so many youthful nights, I take a look around and then I lay down. My eyes close and the warmth from the sun heats me and for the first time since she died, I felt comforted. I lay there for a long while letting the sun caress my skin with its warmth. At the moment, there is nothing more blissful than this. I think about heaven and if it really exists; if it does, I'm sure shes up there. I look directly at the sun and with temporary blindness I see her face. I miss her. I gradually sit up, brush off old leaves that had collected on my sweater and then stand. I know what I must do. Without a second thought, I confidently step close to the edge of the roof.

I look down. Deep breath. Breathe deep.

And jump.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Simple Pleasures of Life - According to Me

clothes fresh out of the dryer - the feeling that I get when I put on clothes still warm from the dryer makes me want to melt, even if it only lasts for a few seconds.

a hug - Never underestimate the power of a hug. It can cure my anger, sadness, loneliness or any other bad feelings I may have.

lightning bugs - Just seeing them outside at night makes me so happy because it signifies summertime and it always takes me back to a younger time when I was a child trying to catch them.

a smile when you least expect it - when I'm in line at the bank, it's very rare to see the teller smiling back at you, and when it does happen, it makes me so happy. I think to myself, "If they still have enough energy to smile at me, then so should I." I always think of smiling at the next person I see and passing on the good vibes.

seeing the physical effects of the changing seasons - I enjoy seeing the leaves change color in autumn, the first snowflakes fall in the winter, the flower buds poking through the ground in spring and the sun setting later every night in the summer.

outdoor chats - sitting outside talking with friends and/or family is so relaxing. Loosing track of time, several conversations at once, maybe a few beers, and just the overall ambiance of being together always makes me feel warm inside.

bonfires - I love everything about bonfires. Ghost stories, 'smores, getting lost in my mind while staring at the glowing embers, and the heat that warms my body when I get close. I even love the smell of it on me the next day.

saying "Goodnight" and hearing someone say it back to you - Makes me feel safe and secure as I drift off to sleep.

love letters - Any kind. Once I read them, I get that tingly feeling all over and I'm floating on clouds for the rest of the day.

sand between my toes - Something about the granules of sand passing through the spaces between my toes just feels so incredibly right.

finding unexpected cash - Putting on that jacket I haven't worn since last winter and finding a $5 bill makes my day. Can't really buy much with $5 bucks, but just feeling richer makes me smile.

discounts at the register - I was wavering on purchasing a dress due to the price; I didn't think I could afford it. After a long mental debate, I decided to get it because it looked amazing on me, and I told myself that I wouldn't spend another dime till I got my next paycheck. At the check out counter, I cringed as the saleslady scannded the barcode and quickly looked at the screen to see what the damage was. Relief washed over me when I saw that it was discounted to a managable price. One of the best feelings in the world.

making loved ones laugh - I feel like I have achieved something amazing if I can make my boyfriend crack a smile, and I get such great satisfaction out of telling a joke that really makes him laugh.

having nowhere to go on a rainy day - I love being stuck inside on rainy days. I can feel guilt-free about staying in pajamas, posting up on the couch, eating junk food, and watching movies all day long. Sometimes I'll sit on the balcony and just listen to the rain.

a long, hot shower - Can raise my spirits no matter how down I am. There must be something theraputic about the steam from the hot water that washes away all my problems.

comfortable silence - Knowing that I don't have to say something to fill the void makes being around you so much easier. Sometimes theres really nothing to say; the silence says it all.

getting a letter in the mail - Before texting, before inbox, even before instant messaging, there was mail. It just feels good to see a hand-written letter amongst all the bills, magazines, and junk mail that clutter up that little box nowadays.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Bucket List

- take a ride in a hot air balloon
- skydive
- catch a cloud
- drive to the edge of the horizon
- learn to ballroom dance
- climb a mountain
- learn Japanese
- travel to Italy, Japan, and Dominican Republic
- practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
- go to California
- get a college degree
- see a shooting star
- own a home
- grow old together <3
- become a member of a charitable cause
- go on a cruise
- read my favorite childrens stories to my kids
- run a marathon
- become a Redskins Cheerleader
- ice skate for a synchro team again
- scuba dive
- bear it all on a nude beach
- go fishing
- learn to ski and snowboard
- spend New Year's Eve in Times Square
- become published in some shape or form
- learn to surf
- attend the Super Bowl
- learn to fly a plane
- visit a Vegas strip club
- shoot a gun

Thursday, October 8, 2009


The dark of night approaches suddenly
as the black cat crosses her path
The chill in the air is crisp tonight
she begins to nervously laugh

She wanders along the crowded street
looking for a familiar face
When all she sees are ghosts and goblins
and creatures from outer space

Shes looking for someone
Some one
Some one
Someone she used to know

But the huge bursts of air,
the wind through the trees,
The cold autumn night,
and the crunchy brown leaves

Managed to send her astray;
The wind knocked her down
The cold made her chill
and the leaves caught in her gown

She arose and stood tall
her head high to the sky
Continued to walk
but didn't know why

Every face she passed by
she examined them all
Looking for any small detail
she could have recalled

What she failed to realize
till the stroke of midnight
The face she searched for
was her own in the light

She looked at her reflection
and gave a loud gasp
The face that looked back
was wearing a mask

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Advice for the Future

[inspired by the Sunscreen Speech originally by Mary Schmich]

-take a piece of gum when offered
-always apologize, always forgive
-take a step back from complicated situations and analyze it from the other persons perspective
- wear bright colors
- smile
- be confident in who you are
- don't let others transfer bad energy to you
- ALWAYS dress up for Halloween - its the only time you get to be a child again
- think of other people's feelings before your own
- put your heart into anything you do, the difference will show
- laugh constantly
- cry when you need to
- dance!
- perform in front of others at least once, the experience will change your life
- don't be afraid of who you really are
- indulge in unnecessary items once in a while
- like Nike says, "Just Do It."
- ask Grandpa about his childhood, and listen to his stories.. you will learn so much
- when all else fails, depend on family to be there
- enjoy the simple pleasures of Saturday morning cartoons
- make time for the ones you care about, forget the rest
- be thankful for every day
- love unconditionally
- stop being indecisive, life is short
- dont be jealous, its a waste of energy
- appreciate the beauty of nature

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Hi, We've Just Met, But Here's My Life Story

I have always wondered why people who just meet others like to share their whole life story. Okay, not even meet per se - even just in passing.

I have previously worked as a sales clerk in various retail stores, and it always seems to be that when customers are making their purchases, thats when they like to start telling me all about their lives. I ask them, "Did you find everything okay?" and their response would be, "Yes, I did. I was looking for a dress for a wedding and I found this beautiful green one. Oh, I'm going to my grandsons wedding this weekend and I have to wear something nice because his mother is going through a rough divorce and my grandsons father is bringing his new girlfriend who happens to be about 20 years younger than him and she already has a child. But who am I to judge?" And so on...

Now I work in a doctor's office and the same thing seems to come up- people telling me all about them or their lives when all I'm asking for is a $10 copay. Even when I am the shopper and I'm making my purchase at the register, the clerks will tell their crazy long stories to me. I just dont understand when sharing so much information with strangers became the norm.

What is this strange urge that people have to tell others all about themselves?

Has this ever happened to you?

Friday, September 25, 2009

Already Gone

Shes physically still here, but not mentally
her heart is not in it
She doesn't feel the same
She pretends, but she doesn't give a shit

She'll say the words
that you want to hear
but she'll never ever mean it
that's the truth my dear

So please let her go
release her, let her free
So she can be the person
that she wants to be

I know it hurts you
but don't hang on long
shes already forgotten you
shes already gone

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

little girls dreams dont always come true

Every little girl dreams of growing up, meeting the perfect man, falling in love, getting married, and having a family.

But what if its not that simple?

What if that little girl grows up and gets the perfect man, the marriage, and the family that she always wanted-or thought she wanted- but it was not what she craved anymore?

Now, she yearns to be set free - free from the responsibilities of being a mother, free from the grasp of marriage, free to be alone and have her own space once again.

Her husband is amazing- he is a good looking, kind-hearted jokester with a passion for art and respect for all. He has more than enough love to give her, hes loyal, and he is always a gentleman. Her children are engaging, with young pearly smiles and an eagerness to learn, soaking up any information they come across.

Any amount of women would LOVE to be in her situation - married to a good looking man who is crazy about her and their children, has goals for himself, and has beautiful children.

So why does she feel trapped?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Gift-wrapped Box

Every day, I walk around with a gift-wrapped box in my pocket. I keep it there to remind myself of what I once felt, in hopes that I may feel that way again someday.

You see, It was for a woman. Her name was Anna. She had a radiant olive skin tone, long flowing brown hair, big green eyes, freckles scattered across her face and a smile that would make your heart melt. She was average height for a woman but had the longest legs I'd ever seen. We had been together for almost 3 years and I knew she was The One.

She had my heart; and then she crushed it.

One day, I found myself in a jewelry store looking through one glass display after another, searching for a surprise gift to give her. I began talking to the sales lady and she showed me some impressive diamonds in beautiful settings. When she told me that they were usually engagement rings, I started to think. "I've been with Anna for so long and I know shes the woman I want to be with," I thought, "but is it the right time to do this?" I stood at the glass display holding a 2 carat princess cut ring set in platinum, just thinking of the idea of Anna in a wedding dress. Her walking down the aisle with her father, meeting me at the end of the walkway; me, placing the ring on her dainty finger, saying "I do", making her my wife, knowing that no other could have her.

I decided then and there to purchase that ring and then I had the saleswoman wrap it up for me. I would keep it with me until the perfect moment arose. Little did I know, that gift-wrapped box would remain in my pocket for a long time.

I came home feeling euphoric about my little secret and plotting when would be the best time to propose. When I walked into our apartment, I saw Anna had left her cell phone on the counter. I chuckled and said, "Silly Anna, always forgetting things." She had already left for work, and I knew that Anna had a tendency to forget things. Just as I spoke, her phone began to buzz violently.

Thinking that it was her calling her phone to locate it, I picked it up. 5 New Photos. I tapped the little button without hesitation and opened her photos. All 5 were of a male, "Chad", who was NOT me. He had a separate message for each photo that had been sent. "I miss you baby" was what one read. The second, "When can I see you again?" and the third, "here's something to remind you of me". I didn't go any further, because the pictures that came along with these messages were enough for me to realize what was going on.

I threw her cell phone against the wall, screamed and proceeded to punch the wall. I sat for a minute, dumbfounded. Then, after a long trembling moment, I collected my cool, and began to pack. After about an hour, all of my belongings were packed into my luggage haphazardly and as a last-moment gesture, I picked up her phone and placed it on the table, along side with a note that read in my scribbled handwriting, "ITS OVER. GOODBYE."

I walked out the door, and never looked back.

So here I stand, with a gift-wrapped box in my pocket and hope in my heart.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My Personal Vendetta Against BMW Drivers

I have always hated BMW drivers. Its just something about how arrogant they are, or how they think they own the roads around here. Now, I'm not being presumptuous because I don't just judge them by the way they drive - personal interactions have also been added into account as well.

The "stereotypical" BMW driver is a 20-40 something year old guy who is usually a business exec or something special like that. He thinks that because he paid $60,000 for his vehicle he has all the right to weave in and out of traffic, cut in front of others, and basically disregard all common-sense rules of the road. Now, granted, not all BMW are of the stereotypical variety, but they all tend to drive like jerks nonetheless.

I had an experience with one such driver last night, and not only did he cut in front of me while making an illegal lane change, he then decided to egg me on by laughing while stuck side-by-side at the very next red light. I decided to be *tactful* and just wave at him, leaving him with a message of "Thank you very much, jerk." He decided that he wanted to have more fun with me and continued to laugh and stare directly at me, trying to engage me into retaliation.

At this point, typically I would have flipped him the finger and felt justified, but I decided to take it a step further since he wanted to play that kind of game. As the traffic signal changed from red to green, I drove off of the line smoothly and he revved his engine to show how masculine he was. I then made a gesture with my thumb and pointer finger about an inch away from each other and waved it in my passenger window so he could get a good view. I mouthed the words, "This big," to him, and at first he didn't understand what I was saying, but after a minute he did and the look on his face was very surprised. "Your d***," I mouthed and pointed to my crotch, "is this big," while using the hand gesture. Yes, I have balls. If you want to play games on the road with me, I will play back. Oh, by the way, I was already in a combative mood so you know I was ready to go.

He didn't seem to happy with me after that, and he decided to become even MORE of an aggressive driver. He drove at the same speed that I did and waved his iPhone in the window [I don't understand the purpose of this] and made a crude gesture at me in regards to what I put in my mouth. That didn't bother me one bit, and from that point on I chose to ignore him. He weaved in and out of traffic to tail me, and tried to do anything in his power for me to engage him further in his little game. He honked his horn to get my attention, but I just sang quietly and drank my coffee as I drove to my destination. I was satisfied that I got my point across.

So, my dear BMW drivers, this is to you: I am waging war against you. If you want to drive like an ass, I will NOT give the finger, because that just doesn't say enough. I will, however, let you know in my own way that I think your driving is unacceptable and that you are an ass. I do not appreciate the way that you drive, thinking that you are all that just because you own a too-expensive, self-important jerk-mobile.

Note to my readers:I'm not saying that ALL BMW owners are rude drivers, because I have encountered BMW drivers who are very courteous. That, in my opinion, is the minority of the BMW drivers. I also know that some readers will say that all drivers are jerks, they just happen to drive BMW's, and to that my response is simply this - this is my point of view. You have every right to disagree. Thank you.

New Place, New Space

It's been just over a week since moving into a condo with my boyfriend, and so far I'm loving the experience. Sure, we've moved before, but living alone with each other is a completely different experience than living with roomates.

First of all, everything is OURS. Nothing belongs to anybody else. I dont have to worry about using someone else's hairbrush or someone eating all my food or wondering whose clothes are still in the wash. I can put something in the fridge and now I dont have to worry about it "dissappearing". If my double-fudge brownie is missing, I know exactly who took it.

Since we have our own space, we can decorate the place however we want. For the first time, I got really interested in designing each room differently. Pictures on shelves, flowers, and candles. Oh, how I love candles - the large pillar ones, ones that smell really good like flowers, and the decorative "just for looks" candles. I love being able to make the place our own and actually making it feel like home.

Also, having a place that is just for me and him makes things a lot more comfortable. If I want to take a shower, I dont have to sneak from the bedroom to the bathroom hoping that nobody will see me wrapped up in just a towel. I dont have to worry about being dressed when someone walks into the room asking to borrow something. Personally, I like to walk around in underwear and maybe a shirt and now I can do that freely without worrying about being indecent.

I am so happy to have a place to call our own. I know tons of people move into new places all the time, but to experience it personally is one of the best feelings I've had.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Memoir Exercise

The sterile hospital smell burned my nostrils as I entered the long corridor. While I walked down the barren white hallway all I could think was, "Why white?" Why couldn't they add some color to this terrible place? As I entered his hospital room, the relief that washed over me was like a tidal wave. There he was; his normally strong, sturdy frame somehow looked fragile in the paper-thin hospital gown. I walked towards his bed, my heels clicking with every step I took, echoing in the quiet room. I grabbed his cold hand and he shuddered away from the heat of mine. Tears silently fell from my face as I said to him, "Today you're coming home."

Thursday, September 3, 2009

The 7 Worst Things To Say To Someone Who Just Got Dumped

7) "I guess he's just not that into you."
6) "He told me that you were below the Vicky Mendoza Line on the Hot/Crazy Scale"
5) "So, now that you two are done, can I have his number?"
4) "I think you should stick to one night stands, you're better at that"
3) "Well, now you have more time for your real friends - Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo"
2) "It's okay, not everyone is accustomed to hairy armpits"
1) "You wouldn't have such a hard time finding someone if you lost 20 pounds"

8 Reasons Why It's Okay For Men To Lie

8) The truth is less exciting

7) They think that they have superhuman lying abilities

6) Men would rather tell a lie than get yelled at by a woman
[ "No, of course your butt doesn't look big in those jeans"]

5) Men lie because women lie, and women lie because men lie, etc.

4)They believe that women are better off NOT knowing the truth

3) They are too embarrassed for what they did

2) They are Spiderman and they must lie to protect their identity

1) They're bound to do it anyway

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

this rap game, this rap game

When getting to know me, people usually ask who my hero is. Typically, I don't have a clear answer to that question; that is, until now. The more I think about it, the more obvious it becomes. My hero is Eminem.

Yes, the new-age, self proclaimed "King of Controversy" is my hero. I've actually liked him since I was a young teenager,but for different reasons back then. When I was younger, I just thought he was a cute guy who rapped and cursed a lot. My parents hated him, which was even more reason for me to like him. His first album that I purchased was the Marshall Mathers LP; I didn't know about any of his earlier albums until a lot later. Anyway - I learned the lyrics to his songs, rapped along with him while I blasted the bass in the car (mostly when I was angry about something) and didn't pay much attention to what he was really saying.

Up until recently, his music was an outlet for me to just yell, curse, and rip all of my frustrations out of me. I didn't realize that I would find a deeper meaing to his music and understand what he was talking about.

Fast forward to the present -about 8 years later- my boyfriend introduced me to his album that preceded the Marshall Mathers LP, the Eminem LP. I knew only a little bit about it, but I borrowed it and that was all I played for the next week. I was entranced by not only the music, but the words. His rhymes were so precise and the things that he was saying really hit me hard. In my favorite song, "If I Had" , Eminem talks about all the things he's tired of, and all the things he wishes he had. This song really influenced me because he tells, in such a raw, intimate and slightly poetic way, how he wants more for himself. That's me. I want so much more. I want to accomplish so many things in my lifetime, and just hearing those words from someone else made me relize how much he wanted it and how much I should want it too - how much EVERYONE should want more.

"If I Had..."

Life.. by Marshall Mathers
What is life?Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground

What are friends?Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin

What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always down

What is life?
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing YOUR shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at five fifty an hour
then this boss wanders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me bezerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working in Building Square
Tired of not being a millionaire

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM, tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work
in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones

Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
saying they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

You know what I'm saying?
I'm tired of all of this bullshit
Telling me to be positive
How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?
Know what I'm sayin?
I rap about shit around me, shit I see
Know what I'm sayin? Right now I'm tired of everything
Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city

Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin?
But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin?
Just fed up
That's my word

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Stop Sippin Haterade

"Don't hate, it's too big a burden to bear."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

I love this quote. Well, I love everything that Martin Luther King Jr. stands for, but this quote of his stands out to me the most. Okay, maybe not as much as his world-renowned "I Have a Dream" speech, but this is definitely up there... Well, you get my point.

Anyway, I understand this quote to mean that you shouldn't hate others because it just causes too much trouble for yourself. When you spent your precious time hating other people, it takes away time that you could be doing something else - something more enjoyable than hate. Hate is such a strong emotion, and it takes so much effort and strength to exude, that it leaves you drained of other emotions.

I believe that hate is a toxic emotion. Once it starts, it spreads to those around you. If you spend all your time hating others, that's all that others will do when they associate with you. Its a viscous cycle that ends with everyone being unhappy. Its much easier to let things go, stop the hate, and move on with life. I think that's what Martin Luther King, Jr. was talking about.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Andy Warhol is my new Obsession

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have.
Andy Warhol

Before I was shot, I always thought that I was more half-there than all-there - I always suspected that I was watching TV instead of living life. Right when I was being shot and ever since, I knew that I was watching television.
Andy Warhol

Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art. Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.
Andy Warhol

Don't pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.
Andy Warhol

During the 1960s, I think, people forgot what emotions were supposed to be. And I don't think they've ever remembered.
Andy Warhol

Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details.
Andy Warhol

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible.
Andy Warhol

Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Andy Warhol

Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet.
Andy Warhol

I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say "figment."
Andy Warhol

I always wished I had died, and I still wish that, because I could have gotten the whole thing over with.
Andy Warhol

I am a deeply superficial person.
Andy Warhol

I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.
Andy Warhol

I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs.
Andy Warhol

I like boring things.
Andy Warhol

I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic.
Andy Warhol

I never think that people die. They just go to department stores.
Andy Warhol

I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything could just keep going on the way it was only you just wouldn't be there. I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment.'
Andy Warhol

I suppose I have a really loose interpretation of ''work,'' because I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don't always want to do. The machinery is always going. Even when you sleep.
Andy Warhol

I think having land and not ruining it is the most beautiful art that anybody could ever want to own.
Andy Warhol

I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?
Andy Warhol

I'd asked around 10 or 15 people for suggestions. Finally one lady friend asked the right question, 'Well, what do you love most?' That's how I started painting money.
Andy Warhol

I'm afraid that if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of its meaning.
Andy Warhol

I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is "In 15 minutes everybody will be famous."
Andy Warhol

I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom.
Andy Warhol

I've decided something: Commercial things really do stink. As soon as it becomes commercial for a mass market it really stinks.
Andy Warhol

If you want to know all about Andy Warhol , just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there I am. There's nothing behind it.
Andy Warhol

In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Andy Warhol

Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?
Andy Warhol

It would be very glamorous to be reincarnated as a great big ring on Liz Taylor's finger.
Andy Warhol

It's the movies that have really been running things in America ever since they were invented. They show you what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how to feel about it, and how to look how you feel about it.
Andy Warhol

Land really is the best art.
Andy Warhol

Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.
Andy Warhol

My idea of a good picture is one that's in focus and of a famous person.
Andy Warhol

Once you 'got' Pop, you could never see a sign again the same way again. And once you thought Pop, you could never see America the same way again.
Andy Warhol

People need to be made more aware of the need to work at learning how to live because life is so quick and sometimes it goes away too quickly.
Andy Warhol

Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.
Andy Warhol

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer.
Andy Warhol

The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet.
Andy Warhol

The most exciting thing is not doing it. If you fall in love with someone and never do it, it's much more exciting.
Andy Warhol

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
Andy Warhol

What's great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest.
Andy Warhol

When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships.
Andy Warhol

Saturday, February 28, 2009

12 good reasons to sleep in...

12)the sun will still be shining when you do decide to wake up.
11)your brain needs more rest.
10)just 30 more minutes and you can finish that amazing dream about the tall blonde model and her friend...
9) work can wait.
8)its so warm in bed... and freezing out of it.
7)two words: HUNG over.
6)you're not quite sure who that person is lying next to you... better to just go back to sleep. they should be gone by the time you wake up later.
5)you have nothing better to do.
4)class in an hour and you still didn't finish that 10 page paper... didn't start it for that matter.
3)bills to pay and a week and a half till payday.
2)you actually have that tall blonde model and her friend in bed with you

and the number one reason to sleep in...
1)dreams are just so much better than real life :o)